there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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