every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
