So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize