Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You are a genius and a whore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
