Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
