Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
