Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
