I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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