sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
