he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize