Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
