i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
