if you like me you must not know who I am
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
