awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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