My sheets look like a crime scene.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
