I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
