If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
