Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
