Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
