my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
