so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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