wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
