I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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