I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think my moral compass just broke
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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