First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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