: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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