): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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