I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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