he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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