my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
