if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
