He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
