idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
