I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
