Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
