is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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