u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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