she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
