Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're like the curious george of whores
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
