Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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