Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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