so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
