Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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