And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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