thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
zippers are such a cool invention
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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