last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
