Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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