I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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