Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
