we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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