Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
