all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
