so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
