I'm so fucking centered right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
