Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
