Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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