Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
