Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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