That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
