i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
