I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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