He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
being pregnant is like rehab
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
