yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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