Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!