He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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