Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i love accidental penises.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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