I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
