i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
