my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
