Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just had sex bonerless
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
