I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
