I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
