So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have fence marks all over my body
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
