I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
