The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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