How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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