you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
